Gay Families

Welcome to the new normal: gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people are becoming parents in record numbers. But the path to parenthood isn’t necessarily an easy one, and along the way you’ll be developing relationships without clear rules to guide you. You may be meeting surrogates, egg donors, social workers, IVF specialists, and birth families, and you’ll likely find yourself without a resource to help you find your way. Once the child is yours, you'll face new situations with babysitters, grandparents, pre-schools, neighbors, and school teachers. That’s what this section is for: Gay Families will help provide you with real-life solutions.

Certainly, gay parenting has become far more common than it used to be, with millions of kids in North America having at least one gay parent. Still, the mere idea of LGBT people having kids can sometimes provoke resistance from family, friends, neighbors, and society at large. Gay male and trans parents in particular often face scorn, whether seeking parenthood alone or as part of a couple. And even the lesbian baby boom of recent years has yet to reach most rural areas. No surprise, then, that LGBT pregnancy, surrogacy, and adoption call for a particular kind of etiquette. How do you introduce your surrogate to friends? How do you deal with nosy questions like "Who's the father?" And how do you write an effective "Dear Birth Mother" letter? With a little forethought, you'll find your way—and leave a path for those who will follow in time. The truth is that the deliberateness usually required for LGBT parenthood has its advantages: You really have to want a child—there are very few accidental pregnancies or babies in the LGBT world.

“Guys, everything is okay, really.”

All About Gay Families

"How do I refer to the two dads down the street?"

I’m confused: How do I refer to the two dads down the street when I meet them and when I talk about them?

Well, when you speak to them, why don’t you just call them by their names? If you haven’t been introduced yet, go ahead and do so. As for how you refer to them in absentia, I imagine you’re a bit tongue-tied because of the novelty of the situation to you. The etiquette here is actually quite simple. Try this: “I was at the PTA meeting last night, and I was talking to Sam’s parents [or Sam’s two dads], Mike and Jason.” You certainly don’t need to get into which of them might be the legal parent, even if you are privy to that knowledge. It’s not relevant. Your straight friends might still raise an eyebrow of surprise at the notion of two dads, but they’ll catch on quickly. Last point: Please don’t talk too much about them behind their backs.

About the Book

Gay Manners Confused about coming out, dating, sex, and love? Find all the answers here - makes a great reference guide for you, and a great gift for the straight people in your life who need a little guidance.

Subscribe to Queeries

Subscribe to Queeries, our free monthly newsletter!

Gay Families

All About Gay Families

"How do I refer to the two dads down the street?"

About the Book

Subscribe to Queeries

Most Popular Queeries