http://gayandlesbianmanners.com/index.php/stevenblog/ en petrow@bluedahlia.net Copyright 2010 2010-03-11T20:11:04+00:00 http://gayandlesbianmanners.com/index.php/site/two_snaps_for_the_today_shows_meredith_viera/ http://gayandlesbianmanners.com/index.php/site/two_snaps_for_the_today_shows_meredith_viera/#When:20:11:04Z It has not and will never waver "During an interview with the cast of The Hurt Locker on Monday, I turned to actor Anthony Mackie and made a joke about "man hugging" in reference to a hug he and fellow actor Jeremy Renner had shared a few weeks earlier on our air. It was meant to be lighthearted, but some were offended by what they believed to be a homophobic comment. That was never my intent, but that doesn't matter. Words are extremely powerful and should never be chosen lightly, even in a lighthearted moment. I apologize to any and all that I offended. My support of the gay and lesbian community is longstanding and well documented. It has not and will never waver." -- The Today Show's Meredith Veira apologizing for her unintentionally homophobic comment in a post-Oscar interview. 2010-03-11T20:11:04+00:00 http://gayandlesbianmanners.com/index.php/site/good_manners_fighting_starvation_haitians_share_portions/ http://gayandlesbianmanners.com/index.php/site/good_manners_fighting_starvation_haitians_share_portions/#When:19:12:55Z PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti — Maxi Extralien, a twig-thin 10-year-old in a SpongeBob pajama top, ate only a single bean from the heavy plate of food he received recently from a Haitian civic group. He had to make it last. “My mother has 12 kids but a lot of them died,” he said, covering his meal so he could carry it to his family. “There are six of us now and my mom.” For Maxi and countless others here in Haiti’s pulverized capital, new rules of hunger etiquette are emerging. Stealing food, it is widely known, might get you killed. Children are most likely to return with something to eat, but no matter what is found, or how hungry the forager, everything must be shared. The communal rationing, along with signs all over the city that say “S O S” and “we need food,” suggests that the food crisis here is growing. In a country where malnutrition was common even before the earthquake, the United Nations now estimates that two million Haitians need immediate food assistance. And despite frantic efforts by aid groups, distribution has been limited. As of Saturday, the World Food Program had reached 207,392 people in Port-au-Prince and 113,313 in other areas. Compounding the problem, Haiti’s commercial food supply has been strangled by the earthquake’s damage. Fruits and vegetables from the countryside are still available, but in smaller quantities, at inflated prices. For more, see http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/26/world/americas/26hunger.html?hp 2010-01-26T19:12:55+00:00 http://gayandlesbianmanners.com/index.php/site/straight_talk_is_my_lesbian_friend_flirting_with_me/ http://gayandlesbianmanners.com/index.php/site/straight_talk_is_my_lesbian_friend_flirting_with_me/#When:01:44:58Z Q: My lesbian friend is always coming on to me even though she knows I’m straight. I feel like there’s a lot of tension and I’m not sure what should I tell her. A: I’m wondering exactly what you mean by “coming on”? Is she touching you inappropriately? Do her eyes lock on yours? There’s plenty of room for miscues and miscommunication in any relationship, and this can be especially so between straights and gays. Sometimes heterosexuals misread acts of friendship or simple neediness as sexual advances when they’re not intended that way. Is that possible in this case? Or, is this simply an unrequited crush? For the rest of the answer, please see: http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/straight-talk-is-my-lesbian-friend-flirting-with-me-568598/ 2010-01-26T01:44:58+00:00 http://gayandlesbianmanners.com/index.php/site/good_gay_manners_rhode_island_lawmakers_back_funeral_rights_for_gays/ http://gayandlesbianmanners.com/index.php/site/good_gay_manners_rhode_island_lawmakers_back_funeral_rights_for_gays/#When:20:38:03Z Rhode Island lawmakers voted last week to allow gay and lesbian couples the right to plan the funerals of their deceased partners, overriding a veto by the governor. The override enjoyed support from several Republican lawmakers as it passed 67-3 in the House and 31-3 in the Senate. 2010-01-14T20:38:03+00:00 http://gayandlesbianmanners.com/index.php/site/7_great_ways_to_find_a_date_or_mate_in_the_new_year1/ http://gayandlesbianmanners.com/index.php/site/7_great_ways_to_find_a_date_or_mate_in_the_new_year1/#When:12:11:37Z Perhaps your New Year’s resolution was to find a date or a mate. Great idea, but now what? Here are seven smart tips from gay guys about how to put some sexy sparks into the dark days of winter. With a few of these classic tricks from the man experts, you will no longer be walking (or sleeping) alone by the time spring comes along. · Volunteer: Helping out at a non-profit is time well spent in any case, but you’ll also meet folks with similar interests. Just be sure to get your priorities straight; you’re there first to help others, then to help yourself. · Get a dog: Walk it around your neighborhood or let it run off-leash in a dog park. Dogs are surefire date magnets. If you don’t have one, borrow a friend’s (but be honest that it’s not your pup if someone asks) or foster a dog from your local shelter. · Go online: Dating sites have pretty much perfected the science of matchmaking. Make sure you choose one that is focused on relationships and not just hookups. · Bar hop: People find significant others all the time when they’re out on the town (no drinking required). Men who do all their socializing in bars and clubs aren’t looking for a soul mate, but a brief chat will separate the wheat from the chafe (or the men from the boys, or the dates from the boyfriends). · Use your friends, families, colleagues: Often, there’s no better referral service than the people you already know. · Join a new group, take a new class: Give some thought to hobbies or passions of yours and look around for a class or group in your area. For example, if singing is your thing, go online and browse the local choruses or bands. · Hire a matchmaker: Real-life matchmakers do still exist, and for a handsome fee will bring together eligible singles who are serious enough about their partner search to go professional. · Bottom line: Reach out to new people but also to those who already know you well. Have fun. And be yourself. The gay guys know everything:) _____________________________________________________________________________________ To ask manners expert Steven Petrow a question, write him at queeries@live.com. 2010-01-11T12:11:37+00:00 http://gayandlesbianmanners.com/index.php/site/7_great_ways_to_find_a_date_or_mate_in_the_new_year/ http://gayandlesbianmanners.com/index.php/site/7_great_ways_to_find_a_date_or_mate_in_the_new_year/#When:12:11:27Z Perhaps your New Year’s resolution was to find a date or a mate. Great idea, but now what? Here are seven smart tips from gay guys about how to put some sexy sparks into the dark days of winter. With a few of these classic tricks from the man experts, you will no longer be walking (or sleeping) alone by the time spring comes along. · Volunteer: Helping out at a non-profit is time well spent in any case, but you’ll also meet folks with similar interests. Just be sure to get your priorities straight; you’re there first to help others, then to help yourself. · Get a dog: Walk it around your neighborhood or let it run off-leash in a dog park. Dogs are surefire date magnets. If you don’t have one, borrow a friend’s (but be honest that it’s not your pup if someone asks) or foster a dog from your local shelter. · Go online: Dating sites have pretty much perfected the science of matchmaking. Make sure you choose one that is focused on relationships and not just hookups. · Bar hop: People find significant others all the time when they’re out on the town (no drinking required). Men who do all their socializing in bars and clubs aren’t looking for a soul mate, but a brief chat will separate the wheat from the chafe (or the men from the boys, or the dates from the boyfriends). · Use your friends, families, colleagues: Often, there’s no better referral service than the people you already know. · Join a new group, take a new class: Give some thought to hobbies or passions of yours and look around for a class or group in your area. For example, if singing is your thing, go online and browse the local choruses or bands. · Hire a matchmaker: Real-life matchmakers do still exist, and for a handsome fee will bring together eligible singles who are serious enough about their partner search to go professional. · Bottom line: Reach out to new people but also to those who already know you well. Have fun. And be yourself. The gay guys know everything:) _____________________________________________________________________________________ To ask manners expert Steven Petrow a question, write him at queeries@live.com. 2010-01-11T12:11:27+00:00 http://gayandlesbianmanners.com/index.php/site/the_lgbt_holiday_mailbag/ http://gayandlesbianmanners.com/index.php/site/the_lgbt_holiday_mailbag/#When:15:55:45Z I've been pretty inundated with questions (what I like to call "queeries") about how to deal with the straight world this holiday season. "What do I do when my partner isn't welcome?" "What do I say to my mom when she tells me to leave my girlfriend home because "'children will be present?'" "How do I deal with pretending I'm my boyfriend's "roommate" when we visit his family this year?" And this one: "Deciding whether to spend the holidays with your family or his friends?" This last one just went up on the site, so check it out, and send me any other holiday conundrums you have before it's too late. 2009-12-08T15:55:45+00:00 http://gayandlesbianmanners.com/index.php/site/remembering_transgender_journalist_mike_penner_christine_daniels/ http://gayandlesbianmanners.com/index.php/site/remembering_transgender_journalist_mike_penner_christine_daniels/#When:18:35:30Z Most folks have probably never heard of LA Times sportswriter/journalist Mike Penner who changed genders to become Christine Penner and then a year or so later returned to his former gender and birth name. Over the weekend, it appears that Mike Penner committed suicide. Here's how the transition was described in 2007: During my 23 years with The Times’ sports department, I have held a wide variety of roles and titles. Tennis writer. Angels beat reporter. Olympics writer. Essayist. Sports media critic. NFL columnist. Recent keeper of the Morning Briefing flame. Today I leave for a few weeks’ vacation, and when I return, I will come back in yet another incarnation. As Christine. I am a transsexual sportswriter. It has taken more than 40 years, a million tears and hundreds of hours of soul-wrenching therapy for me to work up the courage to type those words. I realize many readers and colleagues and friends will be shocked to read them.” To paraphrase my friend and colleague Ina Turpen Fried: May this tragic death recommit us all to making the world a more comfortable place for people of all genders. 2009-11-29T18:35:30+00:00 http://gayandlesbianmanners.com/index.php/site/fck_maine_a_call_for_civil_disobedience_in_the_fight_for_marriage_equality/ http://gayandlesbianmanners.com/index.php/site/fck_maine_a_call_for_civil_disobedience_in_the_fight_for_marriage_equality/#When:20:39:54Z When I first saw the election results from Maine Wednesday morning denying (yet, again) gays and lesbians the right to marry, my heart sank. Like everyone else, I know the adage that social change is slow (and, indeed, it’s quite amazing how far we’ve come on this issue in such a short period of time). So, it wasn’t surprising that my first Facebook post about the Maine debacle said: “As dispiriting as this post-election Wednesday is, let’s not forget that we will prevail.” OK, call me a half-full glass kind of guy. But then, I got to thinking ... actually it was more feeling than thinking, which is sometimes the right thing to do (especially as comments started to roll in on my page, responding to my Pollyanna post):  “Civil disobedience is the missing piece of activism in our portfolio these days.”At first, I was questioned. “Are you sure about that?” posted a noted gay writer, whose opinion matters to me. Quickly, though, the tone changed. Spencer Cox, a long time gay activist, commented: “That’s what Ann Frank said. Then they sent her to Auschwitz.” Harsh, I thought to myself. But that afternoon a lesbian colleague of mind, married (in California, but recognized almost nowhere) and the mother of two girls posted: “I'm tired of having post-election blues. I'm tired of this being an electoral issue. I'm tired of the tyranny of the majority. I'm just plain tired of it.” And that’s when I stopped being a half-full glass kind of guy. I danced around Facebook and began to note the rising tide of anger on many of my friend’s Facebook pages, but notably Spencer Cox’s: Cox: “Awfully tired of being patient and reasonable. On so many levels.” Friend: “Me too. F**king Maine.” Friend: “When did you become patient? Reasonable, always.” Cox: “OK, TRYING to be patient and reasonable.” And then the chorus began, one after another. “F**kMaine.” “F**k Maine.” “F**k Maine.” Even one young woman, who noted, “Raised-to-be-polite person that I am, I agree: F**k Maine.” This paroxysm of anger culminated with this post: “Double f**k Maine with a couple of chainsaws. I'm so f**king mad I might punch the next person I see with a Maine plate.” While now angry myself, I found more of it directed at the Catholic church and groups like the National Organization for Marriage that spent boatloads of dollars on this blatantly discriminatory attack on the LGBT community, rather than ordinary Mainers. By late afternoon, this anger, now viral on the Web, started to morph into something else: Action. “Well, put on your shit-kicking boots boys and girls and let's go raise us some hell,” posted one lesbian. But then came this comment and I knew he was right: “My question is what happened to good old fashioned civil disobedience. Not this crap that replaced it in the 90's. At some point protesting became an afternoon after work or weekend thing that doesn't disturb anyone's life so I can feel better about having done something. Without economic impact protest is a waste of time. I say flood offices that give marriage licenses. Protest outside of churches where [straight] marriages are taking place.” It’s been a generation since ACT-UP’s members and other community activists took to the streets, protesting outside St. Patrick’s Cathedral in New York and the NIH in Washington, among a plethora of similar disturbances. Still, these tactics (and lessons) should not (cannot) be lost in this new struggle for marriage equality. Of course, it makes sense to continue to pursue our rights in state and federal courts, legislative halls and on local ballots. At the same time, as long-time AIDS and gay rights activist Peter Staley told me: “Civil disobedience is the missing piece of activism in our portfolio these days.” But he also cautions: “Gay rights activism is as wide as the country but very thin.” He worries aloud whether the “twenty-something” generation of LGBT people will do more “than just blog or tweet or take a bus for the day [to march].” More than two decades ago, as the HIV epidemic was in full throttle, Larry Kramer reportedly asked a group of more than 300 gay men (that soon became ACT-UP): “Do we want to start a new organization devoted to political action?” After Maine, that seems to be the question. But who will step up? 2009-11-09T20:39:54+00:00 http://gayandlesbianmanners.com/index.php/site/whos_the_gay_manners_guy_let_me_introduce_myself/ http://gayandlesbianmanners.com/index.php/site/whos_the_gay_manners_guy_let_me_introduce_myself/#When:23:46:13Z The first question you may be asking yourself is this: What makes him worthy of handing out manners and etiquette advice? Allow me to present my credentials: Like Amy Vanderbilt and Judith Martin (aka “Miss Manners”) before me, I started off as a journalist (in my case, it was at The Wall Street Journal), and like Emily Post of Etiquette fame, I left a philandering husband in order to make a living giving advice (OK, he wasn’t my husband). Then in 1995 I wrote a popular little book called The Essential Book of Gay Manners and Etiquette (HarperCollins), which was based on interviews with all sorts of folks (many LGBT, others not): lawyers, doctors, psychologists, accountants, personal trainers, wedding planners—and lots of “real” people, like you. I was also Genre magazine’s “Manners” columnist for several years and these days cover such matters for the Huffington Post, Out.com and nearly two dozen LGBT newspapers (and their sites) in the U.S., Canada, and overseas. More to the point, I’m about to finish an entirely new book of LGBT manners and mores (tentatively titled: Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay & Lesbian Manners). It marries Emily Post’s encyclopedic approach and Miss Manners’ famous wit (minus the holier-than-thou proselytizing)—but with a whole new world of subject matter that neither lady might even have dreamed up. What sets apart my new book from my 1995 gay manners primer is not just that a lot has changed since then, but that this time I’m speaking to all members of our community—not just gay men but also lesbians, bisexuals and transgender folks—plus straight friends and allies, too. This site does that too. Let me tell you about some of the highlights: At the top, we’ve got Queeries, the basic Q&As that are my replies to the questions you send in. As you’ll see, they range all the way from bedroom behavior to dinner party proprieties. Recent Queeries include: Do I have to call myself “gay” or “bi” even if I don’t like labels? Does bad sex doom a relationship? And, How to address an invitation to a gay or lesbian couple? Send me your queeries. Next, you’ll find What You Need to Know, the top 10 favorite “Queeries,” addressing questions such as: To out or not to out? Why does my boyfriend want me to take the HIV test? And, How to deal with the question, ‘Where did your kids come from?’ Check them out when you have time. And while you’re getting acquainted, please take our Poll and sign up for the newsletter to get regular email updates on coming out, dating, sex, planning a same-sex wedding, having kids (the LGBT way) and much more. Welcome! I hope you’ll be in touch with me… and with each other. 2009-10-07T23:46:13+00:00