WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW
To out or not to out?
Q: What’s the deal on outing? In the recent film, Outrage, the filmmakers out closeted gays in Republican circles. I always thought that members of our community agreed that coming out was a highly personal decision. Is outing good manners or bad manners?
Closeted at work?
Q: I’ve been partnered with my boyfriend for about five years and only recently put a photograph of him on my desk at work. I like to gaze at him during the day, but I’ve been surprised by how many questions I’ve gotten, like: “Is he your brother?” What’s the best way to answer these curious coworkers, especially since I’m not really out yet?
How to deal with: “Where did your kids come from?”
Q: If one more person asks me in front of my children where they come from or whose they are or where did we adopt them from, I’m going to explode. What’s the best way to deal with these very annoying questions?
Does bad sex doom a relationship?
Q: The first time Mario and I tricked, it was horrible. No chemistry at all. Yet, I really like him! Can this be saved? How do I talk to him about it?
How to invite “exes” to dinner?
Q: It’s said that in the lesbian and gay community: “We are an army of lovers and ex-lovers.” How do you handle invites, seating arrangements, etc., when you know that so many of the guests are former lovers – and you want to see them all?
Why does my boyfriend want me to take the HIV test?
Q: I’ve never had unsafe sex, but my new boyfriend is insisting that I take the HIV test before we stop using condoms. Why shouldn’t he believe me when I tell him I’m clean? Does it mean he has trust issues?
What to call my transgender coworker?
Q: A colleague at work, formerly Michael, now Mariah, is going through a transition and we don’t know what to call him (or is it her?). And how do you talk about what the person’s going through without prying?
Wording for our wedding invitation?
Q: My long-term boyfriend and I are finally getting married, now that he’s ready and now that we live in a state where we can. We’ve worked through a lot of our wedding issues (like any couple), but one we’re stuck on is how to properly word our wedding invitation.
Can a gay or lesbian couple kiss in public?
Q: Can a gay or lesbian couple kiss in public? On the cheek or on the lips? How about holding hands?
How to come out to my religious mom?
Q: My mother’s very religious. In fact, she’s a devout Roman Catholic. I’ve heard her say repeatedly over the years that homosexuality is a sin. How can I come out to her—and not lose her?
Sign up for “Queeries,” our free e-mail newsletter about coming out, the rules of courtship, planning a same-sex commitment ceremony, bringing baby on board, confronting homophobia, saying good-bye to a dying friend, and much more.
E-MAIL ADDRESS
   


RECENT POSTS
RECENT QUEERIES
ASK STEVEN
Got a gay manners question? Ask the expert right here, right now.
E-MAIL YOUR QUESTION



 



 


Updated 01.26.2010


⇧GOOD MANNERS: Fighting Starvation, Haitians Share Portions

PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti — Maxi Extralien, a twig-thin 10-year-old in a SpongeBob pajama top, ate only a single bean from the heavy plate of food he received…
Updated 02.17.2010

Q: When a straight guy asks a lesbian out?

A: If you missed the wonderful cartoon on this subject in the New Yorker recently, let me repeat the caption, since it’s brilliant. Straight guy asks lesbian out, and she replies: “Thanks, but I’m in the middle of…
Are you out
at work?
Are you out at work?